Why not to share your dreams

Why he didn’t share his dreams with others ?

Once a boy named #Ranbeer worked in a shop. He was a diligent boy who in the leisure time, used to study hard to achieve big goals in his life. One night the owner of the shop heard the boy saying in his dreams, “Oh! It’s my pleasure!”. The shopkeeper was curious to know about the dream and the next day when the boy came to say good morning to the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper, without even greeting back to the boy asked about his dream. Ranbeer simply avoided and said, “Nothing important Sir !” and got to his work. The owner became more curious to know the whole thing and inquired again and this time too the the boy denied. At last the shopkeeper threatened him to either tell him his dream or leave the job. Ranbeer just quietly left the place.

In a few day, Ranbeer  got a better opportunity to work at the house of a rich real estate agent in the town and was working very well. Until, one fine day when the shopkeeper came to deliver some grocery to the real estate agent and noticed that  Ranbeer  was working here on a better paycheck. Now the shopkeeper, got angry and told the whole story to the Agent that this boy hide dream from me and there must be something very wrong with this boy. The Agent now called the boy and asked him about the same dream. The boy fully determined not to tell it to anybody was fired once again.

In another week’s time, Ranbeer  got a bigger opportunity to work for the King Salman of his Kingdom. With passage of time, Ranbeer impressed the King with his industrious efforts and intelligence and hence got promoted as the minister of the state.

Once he was sitting in the palace with King and the real estate agent came to King for some resolution and noticed Ranbeer. He got frustrated by seeing Ranbeer’s growth and told  the story of Ranbeer  getting fired from the shopkeeper and himself. Because, he is hiding some mysterious dream of his. The King now pressurized Ranbeer  to reveal his dream in front of everyone but he again denied. Now King #Salman was furious on him and had ordered his army to put him in prison until he would say anything.

Few days later the King Salman gets to know that one of his neighborhood King #Aamir is planning to attack them. The King Salman is now in big trouble and started to prepare for the war. On the other hand, King Aamir thought of testing the knowledge and strength of the King Salman, sent two mares and a letter along with it to his Kingdom. The letter said, “ If you would answer the question, we will not attack you.

Question-  Who from these mares is a mother and who is daughter ?”

That day when the servant came to serve food to the Minister, Ranbeer. He told Ranbeer about the latest tension in the kingdom as he was doing it since when the minister was in prison. The minister knew the answer, “He said to the servant, go and tell the King Salman to send both the mares to take bath, “The one who would lead is the mother”.

King Aamir, got really impressed when he received the answer and sent a proposal to King Salman to allow the intelligent man marry his daughter. The minister was then released and got gifts of lands and jewels from both the Kings.

And then, King Ranbeer called, the shopkeeper, the real estate agent and King Aamir to his palace. King Ranbeer was resting on a bed studded with jewels and so many servants were serving him and doing his chores around. He showed this scenario to all of them and said, “This is what i saw in my dreams”. If i would have told you this, none of you would have ever let me achieve it. So I kept moving on.

You may also like to see this video from Derek Sivers on human psychology on this topic-https://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself?language=en#t-1282

Thank you for reading – MM

How to have cordial relationship with anyone

Happy and Joy were married from last seven years. It was not only a love marriage but a fight they won against their own parents. Happy is a loyal and dashing man. And Joy is always cheerful and an independent woman. They were living in a city far from their parents and relatives and as they both were working they got little time to spend with each other so they utilised each second of their life being in love. Joy spent most of the day talking about how much Happy loved her and advocating about secrets of successful marriage. Happy on the other hand always spoke to his friend about how lucky he is to have Joy in his life who is very caring and beautiful like a celestial maiden (#APSARA). UNTIL one day ! ! !

When Happy revealed that his sister is coming to stay with them. Joy initially accepted the news neutrally and as usual, next day in her office she told her friend about her SIL coming to stay with them. Her friend then told her about bad experiences of living with in-laws and provoked her to tell Happy to put her in some hostel, if she wants long term happiness at her home. Joy and Happy now started fighting each day and Joy was unable to understand why is she behaving like that. What is it that would bother her when her SIL will stay with her. Her SIL is a nice girl and she should not feel that the same incidents will happen with her like her friend. She further interrogated and found out that these are the reasons-

  1. Fear of sharing happy’s time
  2. Expectations to share the then increased workload of daily chores.

Joy when started feeling helpless called her mom and told her the situation. Her mom simply said, “Don’t set any expectation from her to help you with the home chores as no kid ever does it at their home, neither did you. And your SIL is coming at her brother’s home”.

Second, “You must care about other’s happiness and the secret of a happy married life is contentment in both of the partners”. If Joy wanted his husband to be happy then she should let him help his sister to make her good career. This would increase respect in him for Joy too who will support him equally.

These miraculous words solved all the problems. Joy then apologised to Happy and talked about the whole thing. Happy understood her and promised to help her managing things properly and they lived happily ever after.

It’s with everyone. “Don’t expect anyone to give you anything, You first become the giver to the world and they will be obliged to return something to you”.

Learn to say YES!

“Say Yes ! and be ready each time to give to the world to have #Abundancefactor in your life”

He is an obedient boy and timid too. He is everyone’s darling and always said YES to them. He has many close friends and his boss in office appreciate him for his performance and PR skills.. Few of his colleagues who never got performance appraisals like him, always calls him #Minion. And these same people are also not his foes. Because, he always said #YES to them too and have been always doing small little efforts for them.

You know someone like ‘him’ for sure. As per Indian tradition we are fostered to obey our elders and to love younger ones and meet others expectations. Those who keep it with them for longer times mostly succeed in whatever they do and those who left it at some point of time in their life, they mostly have to struggle a little.

During my corporate stint, I once came across this quote on a wall clock which said, “learn to say No to save time” and the other one was an influential person i met,who always said No before a sentence !

Both the incident got engraved in my subconscious mind and instead of nicely disagreeing to someone i picked up the strategy of saying no, until i came across this psychological study-

“If I were to put you into a fMRI scanner—a huge donut-shaped magnet that can take a video of the neural changes happening in your brain—and flash the word “NO” for less than one second, you’d see a sudden release of dozens of stress-producing hormones and neurotransmitters. These chemicals immediately interrupt the normal functioning of your brain, impairing logic, reason, language processing, and communication,” write Newberg and Waldman, authors of Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intimacy.

When we say YES or use optimistic language our frontal lobe is stimulated which is responsible for The function of the frontal lobe involves the ability to project future consequences resulting from current actions, the choice between good and bad actions (or better and best) (also known as conscience), the override and suppression of socially unacceptable responses, and the determination of similarities and differences between things or events.

Now you know, use YES and avoid No !

How to get results

“Quit trying and start taking actions !!!”

‘Try’ is a word of uncertainty and when you are uncertain, you mostly fall short of the desired outcome of yourself and others too.

They said,  ‘Keep trying’. And believe you me, ‘TRY IS AN ACTION WHICH IS INCOMPLETE’. For an instance, if you will try to climb on a tabletop, either you will be on tabletop or you are not on table. You can’t keep hanging in the air. Can you ????? That is what makes me agree to ‘Keep doing’.

Actions are louder than words, and when you say i am trying you are using words and not acting on the desired results.

You may relate with it. Specially you my friend ! For aspiring morning walkers –  When you are asked by your loved ones to get up in the morning and go for walk to get a fit body. You always procrastinate and keep saying, ‘I try very hard to get up in the morning but can’t do it’. My friend! by mere changing the words you can do wonders, just say to yourself and others, ‘I will get up every morning and will go for walk’. And i know you know that if you will do something for 31 days continuously, it installs a new habit 🙂 Rest, you may like to see the visible changes in your actions. Results guaranteed  🙂 🙂

Now read further !

He was not enjoying studying in the only school of his village. Teachers of his class said, he was below average as compared to his classmates intellect. All the teachers were not happy with his performance in the class and called him Puerile. And his classmates, used to make fun of him. The moment he use to enter the class, kids would start taunting on him. He was so demoralised that he lost all hope to learn any thing and has stopped going to school.

One day, while roaming aimlessly around the school he felt thirsty and headed to well to quench his thirst. While turning back, his eyes noticed the marks of rope on the stoned wall of the well. And he thought, when the repeated action of jute rope could make its mark on a harsh stone. Its very easy for me to learn thing by doing it again and again.

From that very day, the boy got determined to study and started going to school. His teachers and classmates were also surprised by his dedication and started to support him and within very short time he elucidated his acumen by his actions.

Today, we all know him as great erudite Vidvaan Varadraj. He is writer of famous Sanskrit scriptures like Mugdhbodh and Laghu Siddhanta Kaumudi.

So you too,“#Quit trying and now start taking actions”

Pain is Good

You all know through epic cinema works that how much a successful athlete go through to achieve their goals. (Those who don’t!! may like to see, #BhaagMilkhaBhaag & #MaryKom). So what is that you can learn from such pieces of work on sports person, especially if you don’t have such aim to win gold medal for your country. I suggest, identify the “VALUE FOR CHANGE”.

There is a small story i wanna share with you about a sports teacher I know. This man, who is 5.5’ feet high with curly hairs and is approximately 50 years old, is a very good gymnast, perhaps not like #DeepaKarmakar.

He doesn’t have any dreams to #changetheworld or is not even aiming to do something with a bang to rock the world with his stories living forever. But, there is one thing he does every single day without fail is making many sports enthusiasts.

The last time we met was when he came to me for a counselling session to quit his only one unhealthy habit. He was telling me of his determination of going for morning walk everyday without fail and his disciplined way of lifestyle. He claimed that his will power is very strong. And was simultaneously wondering why he could still not quit only this single bad habit of his.

My answer was very simple and straight, identify the value for change. Let’s find out more about “#VALUEFORCHANGE”.

Whatever we are today is a result of practicing certain things consciously first and with efforts on practicing again and again became our identity/behaviour or habit, which is now unconscious and lead us to usually say, THAT’S MY MODUS OPERANDI”. For example, we consciously learnt walking as a baby and as we grow it’s an unconscious activity. You consciously learnt to smoke, it initially felt choking and now you may not even realise the smoke in your throat.

And for these longing habits/behaviours to change, you need to identify that attractive new thing you will get in return of this old stuff. Like a boy once told me, that he had quit smoking when his beloved agreed to marry him only if he quit smoking. So he did it for marrying her.

And the catch here is, we as humans always compare the input and output. So the value should also be more than the pain you will have to go through to change the habit, this ultimately works wonders. You may like to try the trick. So, excavate your heart deep and identify the lucrative value to start a healthy routine or quit your monotonous job.

And yes!! for the sports teacher, it came out with a lot digging that, he was keen on changing this habit, as his son is going to get married in November and he would want to quit his unhealthy habit before his daughter in law would become a part of his family and she should not have any wrong impression of him.

This reminds me of another beautiful quote, “#Pain is weakness leaving the body”.

Power of words

“You are reflection of your own words and you will always get what you speak”

The power of words is undeniable. Studies have shown that using bad words to scold someone can demotivate a person and just by playing with the words, same scolding can be turned into a challenge. You are programmed to exceed your limits and the irony is, words can even limit you.

“You are a looser” or “You cannot succeed”. The two statement said with different words will have distinct repercussions on a person.

Let me tell you a story now-

It’s a story of a famous monastery located in the beautiful white Himalayas mountain range. All the monks of the monastery were known for keeping silence for long years. And that is all because, the monastery had one important rule. The rule was that every disciple would be allowed to speak only two words to their masters when they complete ten years of silence.

Once a monk had completed ten years of silence and he was now guerdoned to speak two words as he wished. He said to his master- “HARD BED” and goes to silence for next ten years.

Next time when the same monk completed another ten years, he was again given a golden opportunity to speak two words. And this time he said “STALE FOOD”. And  rejoins other monks in their calmness for next ten years.

On completion of his third decade in the monastery, he was again called to say whichever two words he would like to say & this time he said – “I QUIT”.

Complaining doesn’t help.

“You are reflection of your own words and you will always get what you speak”

How to set expectations

“Higher expectations from others usually push them to increase their performance”

You always perform the best when the others show trust and confidence in you. You often take special pains to meet others high expectations (well communicated) from you. The rule works wonders. Today I am sharing another story about TRUST with you. On the basis of this, there have been many experiments conducted to see the actual results. You too may try this.

Once there was a sculptor named Pygmalion in Cyprus. He was very rich but had no companion. Due to his ugly breakups with women. He hated all women but always wished God for a perfect woman of his dreams. Who he would love for eternity.

One day, he decided to create a statue of a woman he wish for himself. He started carving the sculpture in Ivory. It had beautiful almond shaped eyes and a rich smile on an oval face. Its body looked sylphlike. And when the sculpture got complete it looked like a real woman, you could only realise that it’s a sculpture if you would touch and feel the coldness of the ivory.

Pygmalion fell in love with this sculpture and started to pretend himself as its husband. He even bought rings studded with precious stones for its hands and silk clothes to clad the body. He fell so much in love with that sculpture that he will talk to it for hours. People of his community have now started to call him a crazy man. But he just didn’t care.And he was happy in his own world.

Then came, “Aphrodisia” the day of goddess Aphrodite (Greek Goddess of love, beauty and procreation). Everybody was celebrating the festival and praying to goddess. Pygmalion also wished from the goddess to give him a wife like his sculpture. The goddess heard and accepted his prayers and by seeing his expectations & trust in the prayers, she couldn’t find any one like the statue, but ultimately had to infuse life in that sculpture only.

When Pygmalion got back home that night, he kissed the statue before sleeping. It was his daily ritual by now. But you know to his surprise, the statue came to life and it brought tears to Pygmalion’s eyes. He thanked goddess for the desired life partner and they lived happily ever after. He got better than what he expected.